I Wish You Were Here

"I wish you were here
Seeing this cinematic scene
While I was lying here
And listening to the cold wind

I wish you were here
Reading to me a piece of Shakespeare
While I am looking at your eyes
It feels like I'm watching the sky

I wish you were here
While I am listening to the melodic sea
I remember your voice sounds so sweetly
A music that calms the beast inside me

I wish you were here
Listening to the beat of my heart
I wish I could hear your heart too
Softly whispering "I love you"

But you are not here
And I think, I will just keep on wishing"

Napadaan

Napadaan ako sa kalyeng dati nating dinadaanan papunta sa bahay ninyo. Napadaan lang, pero bakit ganun, yung mga alaala natin, parang tumambay pa sa isip ko.

Dumaan sa isip ko yung mga pagkakataong nakaupo ako sa isang fastfood at naghihintay sa pagdating mo. Lagi ka kasing late di ba? Ang bilis kong mainip dati pero noong ikaw na hinihintay ko, okay lang.

Dumaan sa isip ko nang minsang nagcommute tayo dahil sabi ko ayoko magmotor dahil marami akong dala. Alam ko nairita ka na sa init at traffic noon, pero hawak mo pa rin ang mg kamay ko.

Dumaan sa isip ko nang isang beses, sa tapat ng flower shop, sabi mo korni yung mga taong nagbibigay ng bulaklak. Sumang-ayon ako sa'yo, pero ang totoo, hiniling ko na sana, ang isang astig na katulad mo, bigyan ng bulaklak ang isang babaeng katulad ko. Hindi ko iisiping korni yun, promise! Kikiligin pa ako sa tuwa.

Dumaan sa isip ko yung pagsundo mo sa akin sa motor at pinakilala mo ako sa mga kaibigan mo. Ang sarap pala sa pakiramdam na matawag na girlfriend mo.

Dumaan sa isip ko yung "tayo". Ang bilis ng lahat. Dumaan lang din at lumipas na. Mabuti pa ang jeep, alam kong babalikan ang mga rutang iyon. Babalikan ang mga kalyeng minsan nating binaybay na magkahawak kamay, magkayakap. Pero tayo, wala ng babalikan. May kanya-kanya nang bagong daang tinatahak. At ang mga kalyeng yaon, ang bawat kanto, ang mga nakalakip na ngiti at pagmamahal, sa alalaa ko na lang muling babalikan. Dahil dumaan na. Lumipas na. At tapos na.

25 Things I Learned while I am 23

Few days from now, I’ll be celebrating my first birthday! Yes, I mean, the first anniversary of my second life. It’s been a year since I was diagnosed of a disease which taught me a lot of life lesson, at this very young age. But thanks to the grace of God, I just received the result of my latest whole body scan which showed that it’s all clear. I won the fight!

Since then, I became a different person. I became “too much”. To those who have known me for a long time, I’m sure, you observed some of these changes when we had a chance to get along. Well, recently, I just colored my hair, red. A lot of people asked why. And I always responded, “well, just for a change”. So, here’s the reason behind the red hair. It actually represents my extremities, my bravery, my courage and being “too much”. After all, I believe there is nothing wrong in being too much. To show too much care, too much affection, too much emotions and too much love. Though you make yourself vulnerable of being hurt, there’s nothing to regret about, because at the end of the day, you can proudly say to yourself, “I did not hold back. I gave all I’ve got”.

When I had a chance to live again, I realized, that the saying “Life is short” is true. Before, I always taught I had a lot of time to do the things I love, so I had a tendency to procrastinate. This is the reason why, after the surgery, I pursue and strive for the things I really love. I invested my time and effort to relationships, people, ministry, family, career-growth and leisure. Thus, my life did not revolved in work alone, which for a period of time, ate up all my attention and energy.

Last Sunday, I spent time alone with myself just to breathe and reflect. Here are some of my realizations which I wanted to share with you:

1. It is never too late for new beginnings.

Some chapter will end, but eventually, a new one will definitely start.

2. Forget the past but remember its lesson. Live in the present and plan for the future.

3. It might not always a good time. Situations are worst than what we are expected. But even though sometimes you feel that life knocks you down, be still, and always hope and pray for the best.

4. Don’t expect too much from other people. In this case, you are limiting the chances of getting hurt and increasing the chances of surprises.

5. Your family will never leave you, no matter what. Treasure them and spend more quality time with them.

6. Don’t drown yourself with too much problem, because we have a God who walks in the water. Learn to trust Him.

7. Always find an opportunity to improve your talent and skills.

8. Learn to say NO.

9. Don’t be too timid. Let them know who you are and don’t live with other people’s expectations.

10. Take care of our nature. It’s one of the best gifts from God.

11. Move forward from people or situations which physically or emotionally break your spirit and change the kind of person you are.

12. Give up on things or even people who are not worth fighting for.  

13. Fight for the things or people whom you love and who are worth it.

14. Know the difference between number 12 and number 13.

15. Know when to be kind and when not to tolerate other people.

16. Focus on the positive side; even if it’s hard to see that. Always carry a smile!

17. Be passionate in everything you do.

18. Take care of your health. Eat healthy food and exercise.

19. Don’t focus on what you don’t have, but capitalize on what you have. Create your own identity and don’t be a replica of someone.

20.  Don’t fall in love easily. Guard your heart.

21. Be wise and know when to take risk. (Before, I used to say, “don’t be afraid to take risk”)

22. Handle your finances wisely.

23. Lessen your time browsing your social media accounts, but spend more time in meaningful conversation.

24. Love, patience and wisdom. Always bring these three wherever you go.

25. Know your worth! You are wonderfully made.

Life has so much to offer! It is okay to feel bad and to be emotionally broke sometimes. That’s part of life spices. As mentioned in one of my favorite books, you will never appreciate joy, if you did not experienced pain. Yes, pain demands to be felt, so as the grace and love of God. Always carry a light and happy heart! :) Problems will all pass, trials will surely end. And they will come back again, eventually. But we always have a choice on how to respond. And I hope, our response is always based on our values and character, on what we have learned and experienced, and on how we want the future will be. 

Mabuti pang sa Ganito na lang Matapos ang Lahat…

Mabuti pang sa Ganito na Lang Matapos ang Lahat

Na maglalakad ka palayo sa akin at hindi na lilingon pa

Wala kang sasambitin ni isang salita

Dahil isa lang naman ang magiging ibig sabihin noon, kundi paalam na.

Mabuti pang sa ganito na lang matapos ang lahat

Na bigla ka na lang maglalahong parang bula

Para hindi mo makita ang aking mga luha

At namumugtong mata dahil wala ka na

Mabuti pang sa ganito na lang matapos ang lahat

Wala na rin akong salitang bibitawan

Dahil baka hindi na kita maiwan

Sundin ko na naman ang puso keysa isipan

Mabuti pang sa ganito na lang magtapos ang lahat

Dahil wala na rin namang patutunguhan

Kung ang puso mo’y hindi pa handa

Mabuti pang sa ganito na lang matapos ang lahat

Tuldok-Kuwit

6:34 pm. Nakatitig sa monitor ng computer dito sa office. Parang nang-aasar ang kurso ng mouse, pakindat-kindat. “On the Wings of Love” ang tumutugtog ng back ground music. Wala naman akong balak magsenti, pero bigla na lang, pumasok ka sa isip ko.

Ilang araw na rin ang lumipas simula noong sinabi kong tigilan na natin. Hindi na kasi kita maintindihan. Sa kakapilit kong intindihin ka, pati sa sarili ko naguguluhan na ako. Iba kasi ang mga pinapakita mo sa sinasabi mo.

Kung ilang ulit mong sinabing mahal mo ako, makailang ulit mo ring pinakitang balewala lang ako sa’yo.

I never saw you coming. Sa sobrang magkaiba ng mundo natin, hindi ko inakalang makukuha mo ang puso ko. Baka nga totoo young sinasabi nilang, opposite attracts. Pero hanggang attraction lang yun. At hindi lahat ng attraction, nagtatagal. Kung gaano ka kabilis dumating, ganoon rin kabilis kang nawala.

Namimiss ko na si Cassie. Yung aso mong panay ang tahol sa akin noong una akong makita. Pero noong kalauna’y naging close ko na rin. Namimiss ko na kung paano mo hawakan ang mga kamay ko. Na para bang ayaw mo na akong mawala. Namimiss ko na ang pagkain natin sa paboritong fast food. At higit sa lahat, namimiss na kita.

Pinakapaborito kong balikan sa alaala ko, noong minsang naglaro tayo sa Quantum. Para tayong high school na sabik magbasket ball at nag-enjoy sa mga laro. Sayang nga lang at wala ng videoke noon.    

Kahit na nasasaktan ako ngayon, hinding-hindi ko pinagsisisihan na minahal kita. Napatunayan ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko  palang magmahal ng lubos, bukod sa mga kapamilya at kaibigan ko.

Sayang nga lang at mali ang pagkakataon. Kasi kahit na ipilit ko pa, kung hindi ka pa handa, wala na akong magagawa.

Ligaw

Saan ba ako pupunta?

Napakarami kong hakbang na ginagawa pero walang malinaw na landas kung saan tutungo.

Para akong dahong tinatangay ng hangin.

Dadapo sa isa at makaraa'y lilipat din

My Gentle Giant and Our Not so Ordinary First Date

Nakasakay siya sa motorbike. Naghihintay sa paglabas ko mula sa isang sikat na fastfood. First date daw namin. I have never imagined that I will be riding in a motorbike in our first date. We have a totally opposite personality. He’s like those action stars you see in movie, a big guy who has tattoo in his both arms. And yes, he’s wearing a black sando too. Luckily, I was not wearing a skirt. Yes, I’m one of those “pacute girls” who loves to wear skirts and paired it with sneakers. So when I saw him, my immediate reaction was, “Thank God, I’m not wearing my pink kikay palda”. I was hesitant to ride in his motorbike, since I was not used to it, and hello, we’re in Makati, with all those provincial buses and cars.

We headed towards their house to get his things for Badminton. Okay, so he was alone. Napaisip ako kung papasok ba ako o hindi. (Hindi ko mapigilang matawa ngayon habang sinusulat to, haha!) Medyo paranoid ako. Kaya kung anu- ano pumapasok sa isip ko that time. So I stayed outside, after a few minutes, he went out and said, “Ayaw mo bang pumasok”. “Oh okay,” sabi ko naman.

I sat at the end of the sofa, while waiting for him. I was still nervous at that time (haha!). After he’s done, we went at the badminton court and played the game. We stayed there until 6pm, and then went to Waltermart to eat. Hindi ako usually nagpapalibre, but he insisted. I let him pay for our meals. I am comfortable with him. I enjoyed listening to his story over my favorite fried chicken. I love to look at his eyes while expressing his thoughts. However, I felt he was a little hesitant talking about his past. There are things that he doesn’t want to tell me. And I respect his decision to keep those by himself.

After we ate, we went back to his apartment (Kinakabahan na naman ako). He picked up his guitar and played a few songs. That scene was like those in movies. Siya at ang kanyang gitara, malambing na boses at kumikinang na mata, ayoko nang matapos ang mga sandaling iyon. The action star turned into a prince charming.

He’s not my ideal guy. Sa sampung characteristics of my ideal man, siguro 5 lang ang meron siya. But he’s different. He’s one of a kind. He has a big heart, inspite of those tattoo and ‘bad guy’ image. He is real and there is gentleness in his actions. And I’m excited to know him more, who knows, he might be better than my ideal guy.